Growth Mindset

I had not previously heard of Carol Dweck or the Growth Mindset, but after watching the videos and reading over some of the challenges, it definitely piques my interest.  While watching the videos, I related more to the "fixed" mindset. Often I'm worried about grades more than actually learning, and I'm often afraid to look unintelligent.  I think that I was certainly in the fixed mindset in high school and when I first started college, but I do think I've developed more of a growth mindset since being at OU.  I could definitely continue improving, though.

Where my obsession with grades came from is unclear.  My parents did not emphasize getting all As, or being the top of my class, or anything of that nature; I was the one who wanted it, even at an early age.  I made excellent grades, was put into special classes, and won all sorts of awards as a young kid, and because of this, my family would constantly praise my intelligence. Often times they still do.  I used to enjoy it, but now it makes me uncomfortable.  I've gone so far as to skip family functions, because I couldn't handle the pressure of being asked about school, my grades, and all the "great things" I've been up to.  I've been honest with them when I've gotten mediocre grades - I once told my grandma about a C I made in one of my classes, but she literally didn't believe me.  "No way you could ever get a C, you only make As," or something along those lines.  It was stressful and upsetting.

Not only do certain members of my family reinforce a "fixed" mindset, but I think many universities in general do.  I don't like living in Oklahoma; I would love to be going to school on the east coast right now, but I only applied to OU. Why? Because I was afraid of being rejected.  I was afraid they would look at my high school grades and ask "why didn't you take more AP classes? Why did you fail this class? Why didn't you take the ACT after your sophomore year?" or whatever else.  I didn't try much in high school because I hated it; I was depressed and desperate for attention or somewhere to fit in; I wanted to be cool, and cool kids didn't try.  I wish I could go back and tell my high school self the things I know now.  {Like being yourself is cool, and will make you happy} For those reasons and many others, I slacked, and I regret it.  But anyway, I had the capabilities to go to most schools, just not the GPA or long list of extracurriculars that I knew they would want  And now, I feel as if I have to play catch up.  I would love to go to grad/med school on the east coast, but in order to get in, I've got to look good on paper, and that means good grades.  Many times, it makes me feel trapped.  Instead of sitting in class and feeling excited because I get to learn AMAZING information from (essentially) experts, I'm anxious, wondering what material will be on the test, and being sure to write it down so I don't forget it.  I feel like the world in which I live is stuck, and is trying to keep me stuck, in a fixed mindset.

That all being said, I think I would be very interested in working on some Growth Mindset challenges this semester.  I'm definitely worried about my Cases in Medical Microbiology course.  The professor sent out an announcement informing us that we would be doing a lot of talking in front of the class, which is nerve racking! I want to be able to freely develop ideas and link concepts together, but instead, I just worry about being wrong and looking stupid.  I want to try to overcome this.

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